With the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, we are certain that the apocalypse will come soon. However, it takes the most responsible and assertive leader to survive the apocalypse, and this guide will help you be that leader.
Step 1: Make people respect you.
If the apocalypse comes and nobody cares about you, you will surely not survive. However, when you have a team of minions at your feet, you already have the upper hand.
You will start by learning random facts about anything. When a topic comes up in a conversation and you spew out something all smart, people will begin to respect you.
Then, learn a bunch of smarty-pants words to impress your friends and everyone around you. Not only will you possibly acquire a mate, but you will become the alpha.
Don't flat out ignore your friends, but don't cling to them as much. They'll (hopefully) miss you and start to cling to you. This immediately turns the tables, as if they struggle in the apocalypse, they will turn to you for help, instead of you turning to them.
However, do not make your friends fear you. Express that you enjoy it when they come to you. If you seem bothered to be talking to another human, they'll think they're the problem and then you will lose a minion.
Step 2: Make a statement.
You may think, when I say "Make a statement", I'll follow it with something like "Not a fashion statement."
Well, you would be wrong.
Make a fashion statement.
Dress in bright, bold colors. Defeat societal norms because you are now the trend-setter. If someone ridicules you for your outfit choice, you will show NO INTEREST in what they are saying.
You will show everyone that you are fearless, confident, and have a GREAT fashion sense, because you will soon have everybody following in your tracks.
And for the people who do not agree with you, well, that leads me into my next step.
Step 3: Realize that those who are not with you are against you.
I have spent too long trying to make people like me.
Kill them with kindness, I thought.
They'll be nice to you back, I thought.
WRONG.
If someone does not like you, you DO NOT like them. In fact, you will despise them. Now that you have your fleet of minions, they, in fact, will be in the wrong for not liking you. If nothing about you is generally hate-able and they choose to hold a grudge against you, that's on them.
They will die in the apocalypse because they are cowards who have little friends, whose only weapon is anime, as you have God on your side.
Step 4: Do not fear death. (In the apocalypse.)
When the apocalypse comes, it's likely that everything that comes after is lonely and sad. So, now is the chance to live fearlessly and take risks.
Safe risks, but risks nonetheless.
Go outside. Go on a hike. Look into the forest with your friends and imagine someone's stalking you, just for the fun of it. Climb down little cliffs into tiny rivers and watch nature. This is what you live for.
Go on adventures and write stories of adventure, feel inspired to do the things you love to do most, and complete your bucket list.
Live your life to the fullest.
In the apocalypse, you will defend your allies knowing that your life and your dreams have been fulfilled, and if you die, you will die a hero.
(Don't die now though, because you're really important. That brings me into my last step.)
Step 5: Your time is now.
You only live for so long. Now is the time to make the most of your life- while you're young, carefree, and have the world in your hands.
Don't spend your life thinking,
Why must it be this way? or
Why did it have to happen like this? Everything happens for a reason. If your friend hates you for seemingly "no reason", there is a reason. That reason is that they're an awful person. Life is gifting you with the opportunity to move on from them. So take it.
Don't try to fix the old things, replace them with new things. Find new hobbies, new things you love. There's always tomorrow.
---
I hope you enjoyed the silly nature of this post! It actually came with a good message, so just know:
Life is only a game if you play it, just in the way that life is only a movie if you have a script, and life is only a book if you write it. So go, write your life, and have fun while doing it!
With love,
